On Being a Mom of Boys

Growing up I went through stage of wanting to be a mom and NOT wanting to be a mom. In college I decided I was going to be a corporate woman and make a million bucks, that is until I met Mr. Dunbar. (Then I figured, I’d marry him and he could do all of that for me.) As our dating progressed and we got more serious I pictured our future lives full of all things girl, two girls in fact. In my mind I had it all planned out.
The wedding, the house, the girls.
I did. It’s just something that I always assumed would happen.
My plan. My way.
Usually worked.
A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. -Proverbs 16:9 (AMP)
Being a mom to three boys was not what I envisioned. Ever.

Today I know that for the rest of my life I’ll always be a mom to only boys.

A mom to someday men.
When I was told that this baby would be another boy, I didn’t really know how to feel. Partly because I already knew in my heart it would be a boy, partly because I was shocked that God didn’t give me what I “wanted”, partly because in the midst of potty training, I thought “Oh, how can I do this again?” But that very same day after I was told “Boy.” God was showing himself to me. That He is in charge, that this is a good thing, that this is His plan and that I am going to have to walk by faith in this journey of motherhood to boys. Songs on the radio that I hear all the time took a new meaning. Two sermons in a row were on trusting God’s perfect plan. Even blog posts popped up about women of God and ultimately their sons. Umm, Rahab? Ruth? Mary? All had sons. These women have all marked the fate of humanity because of their actions, their faith, and their SONS. Not that I, even in the smallest glimpse resemble these women, but the fact that they stayed faithful and it was through them that men were birthed and raised and sustained the work of God has given me hope and reminded me of my goals for these souls. I wrote this almost two years ago:

I am not raising boys

I am raising men,

who will hopefully one day

be warriors for God,

leaders of homes,

gentle lovers of wives,

and men of integrity.

In my heart of hearts, even then, I knew it would always be boys.

Though Mr. Dunbar and I are continuing on this “Boy Only” road of parenting, I know that this is where we belong. I know that I am going to have to look to my husband and his knowledge of boys (even though that is a scary thing because he grew up in a way more relaxed environment than I ever did), but I couldn’t ask for a better husband or  a greater dad to my kids. Even though I am going to attend a gazillion sports practices and a bazillion number of games, matches, and tournaments for the next 23 years or so, wash countless loads of dirty laundry, and I mean DIRTY laundry, have to buy polos and boxers and baseball bats and cleats and there will never be dresses or bows or dance recitals everything is going to be okay.

So I smile bright every time someone gives me that pity smile for a mom of three boys, and I laugh when I think about all of these hooligans and what they’ll put me through in the next 30 years, and I cry when I remember that they are mine for a short short while, and then I smile again and exhale when I’m reminded of Who is really in charge. And I know in my heart that this is where I belong and I have been given more than I could have ever asked for with girls. You know; games like Dog Pile (which often gets called Dog Poop in our house), and swarms of giggles after words like “Butt Crack”, and the strong desire to turn everything into a gun or sword. Seriously though, I’ve been granted the opportunity to change the future for the better by offering strong intelligent men to this society that we live in where there is an immense lacking for strong men. I can get so consumed in this responsibility that at times it encompasses my whole being because I want so badly for them to succeed in life. I guess all mothers feel this way at times though. But three boys is what I’ve been given, and man o man, am I going to do my best by each of them. My individually unique  men.

So next time you run into a mom with only boys (or only girls even), please remember that there’s no need for pity or a fake smile, or a “You’ll get one on the next round” (that’s like driving nails down a chalkboard to me) because there just may not be a next round, but recognize that the baby in the tummy is a gift. Each child is his own person; made wonderfully and unique by the Creator of all that is good whether he be baby number one, two, or three.

~mrs. dunbar