Friday, February 4, 2011

On Being a Mom of Boys

Growing up I went through stage of wanting to be a mom and NOT wanting to be a mom. In college I decided I was going to be a corporate woman and make a million bucks, that is until I met Mr. Dunbar. (Then I figured, I’d marry him and he could do all of that for me.) As our dating progressed and we got more serious I pictured our future lives full of all things girl, two girls in fact. In my mind I had it all planned out.
The wedding, the house, the girls.
I did. It’s just something that I always assumed would happen.
My plan. My way.
Usually worked.
A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. -Proverbs 16:9 (AMP)
Being a mom to three boys was not what I envisioned. Ever.Feb 030
Today I know that for the rest of my life I’ll always be a mom to only boys.
Feb 027
A mom to someday men.
When I was told that this baby would be another boy, I didn’t really know how to feel. Partly because I already knew in my heart it would be a boy, partly because I was shocked that God didn’t give me what I “wanted”, partly because in the midst of potty training, I thought “Oh, how can I do this again?” But that very same day after I was told “Boy.” God was showing himself to me. That He is in charge, that this is a good thing, that this is His plan and that I am going to have to walk by faith in this journey of motherhood to boys. Songs on the radio that I hear all the time took a new meaning. Two sermons in a row were on trusting God’s perfect plan. Even blog posts popped up about women of God and ultimately their sons. Umm, Rahab? Ruth? Mary? All had sons. These women have all marked the fate of humanity because of their actions, their faith, and their SONS. Not that I, even in the smallest glimpse resemble these women, but the fact that they stayed faithful and it was through them that men were birthed and raised and sustained the work of God has given me hope and reminded me of my goals for these souls. I wrote this almost two years ago:
I am not raising boys
I am raising men,
who will hopefully one day
be warriors for God,
leaders of homes,
gentle lovers of wives,
and men of integrity.
In my heart of hearts, even then, I knew it would always be boys.
Though Mr. Dunbar and I are continuing on this “Boy Only” road of parenting, I know that this is where we belong. I know that I am going to have to look to my husband and his knowledge of boys (even though that is a scary thing because he grew up in a way more relaxed environment than I ever did), but I couldn’t ask for a better husband or  a greater dad to my kids. Even though I am going to attend a gazillion sports practices and a bazillion number of games, matches, and tournaments for the next 23 years or so, wash countless loads of dirty laundry, and I mean DIRTY laundry, have to buy polos and boxers and baseball bats and cleats and there will never be dresses or bows or dance recitals everything is going to be okay.
So I smile bright every time someone gives me that pity smile for a mom of three boys, and I laugh when I think about all of these hooligans and what they’ll put me through in the next 30 years, and I cry when I remember that they are mine for a short short while, and then I smile again and exhale when I’m reminded of Who is really in charge. And I know in my heart that this is where I belong and I have been given more than I could have ever asked for with girls. You know; games like Dog Pile (which often gets called Dog Poop in our house), and swarms of giggles after words like “Butt Crack”, and the strong desire to turn everything into a gun or sword. Seriously though, I’ve been granted the opportunity to change the future for the better by offering strong intelligent men to this society that we live in where there is an immense lacking for strong men. I can get so consumed in this responsibility that at times it encompasses my whole being because I want so badly for them to succeed in life. I guess all mothers feel this way at times though. But three boys is what I’ve been given, and man o man, am I going to do my best by each of them. My individually unique  men.
So next time you run into a mom with only boys (or only girls even), please remember that there’s no need for pity or a fake smile, or a “You’ll get one on the next round” (that’s like driving nails down a chalkboard to me) because there just may not be a next round, but recognize that the baby in the tummy is a gift. Each child is his own person; made wonderfully and unique by the Creator of all that is good whether he be baby number one, two, or three. Jan 006
~mrs. dunbar


Anonymous said...

Perfectly said! NOTHING cuter than 3 stepping stone little boys! Oh the fun those brothers are gonna have :)))

Lori said...

I love being the Mommy of boys and yes asking if I'm going to try for the girl is nails on the chalkboard. I'd never trade my boys in for anything. I love being a Mommy to men to be

jen@odbt said...

Well said. You are going to have so much fun with your you'll get your daughters when they get married.

The Kelleher Family said...

You are amazing! The world needs more moms like you that are raising strong men. I hope my daughter marries a man with the qualities you hope to instill in your boys. A baby in the tummy is a huge gift from God (speaking as someone who the doctors says can't have kids)! Everytime I am asked if I am going to have another child it is nails on the chalkboard. God gave me a gift in the adoption of my daughter and I wouldn't change that for the world.
Keep up the good work mom, you are one tough cookie!

Megan said...

I think it is awesome that you are going to have another little man in your arms in no time. My girl came first, and she is amazing. But there is something so wonderful about my boy. He totally melts my heart in a way that is all it's own. Now I understand that mothers and sons sort of have a little club and only moms of boys get it. Just think, you will miss all of the girl drama, and that will save many a wrinkle off your pretty face!

And you are so right, you know...about God's plan. I am learning that a little more everyday. He always knows better and can build a better life for us than we ever could.

Hope you guys are having a great weekend and the boys are enjoying their Star Wars sheets!

Anonymous said...

I love this post. You made me cry. I love my boys and wouldn't change it for the world. You are absolutely right that it is a gift and priviledge to raise boys into men. I will be praying for you as you embark on this journey of adding another beautiful boy into your family. (And the ones you have already are so adorable!) Love you, girl!

It's Grace said...

This was so beautiful!! I just loved it..with 1 little boy in our home I found myself nodding and laughing in agreement throughout this post. Especially turning everything, and I mean everything into a gun or sword. It's just how God made them, and He did so good. I love my grubby little guy so much.

If you're interested, I would love for you to share this on Thursday for Mama's Heart. All you would need to do is link up on my blog so others could find you. But no pressure, I know you're a little on the busy side :)

Thanks for sharing, this was really beautiful,

Jensamom23 said...

All of your boys are lucky to have such a wonderful woman to help guide them into manhood. Continued Blessings, Mrs. Dunbar!

Simply...Me said...

Great post, I really enjoyed reading this one!

Nicolle said...

Even though we only have one child, I love my baby boy! I truly LOVE being a mom to a boy!

BUT, whatever we were going to have, it was a gift from God. This post is beautiful!

L said...

I'm nearly in tears right now. You said the words I so desperately needed to hear. I am a mom of 3 boys too- 3 1/2, 17 months and 8 weeks. I wanted a girl so badly, that, to be honest, even now, I get tears thinking about it. I found out my best friend gave birth to her baby that she thought after 2 ultrasounds was a boy and turned out to be the 2nd girl she wanted just as badly as I wanted a girl. I found myself being so badly jealous of her and happy for her at the same time and wondering why God didn't think I was good enough to give a girl to. Just one, out of 3 children.

Your words helped me and touched me so deeply and in a way that I can't explain. Not only is there someone else out there that is a mom of 3 boys (which is crazy to me even though it shouldn't be), but, you had a plan and God had a better one too. Your 1st sentence spoke to me and I couldn't stop reading the entire piece. Thank you so much for giving me so much comfort. I'm going to be coming back to this post anytime I'm feeling sad or wondering why not just 1 girl. Why is it me dealing with the craziness of having so many boys?? You understand, you are there with me and the idea is so comforting. Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you!